Not that it matters
by Kessy-Bo
Summary: Tony has to deal with a Sherlock Holmes world. Poor Tony.. or is that Holmes?
1. Chapter 1

This might be a drabble.. or a longer version if I can get my muse to work with me.

Once again I claim nothing as my own. Beta work done by Francesca Kingston.

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"Holy crap! my head hurts!"

"That would be largely due to the fact that you landed on it Sir."

"…Thanks for the input, Jarvis."

Tony really didn't want to open his eyes. He clung to the irrational hope that if he kept his eyes shut nothing bad could happen. Well nothing worse than what had already happened. Getting pimp smacked by Doctor Doom wasn't something he'd be able to put off as nothing. And he sure as hell was still feeling it even with the protection the suit had offered. He was going to be one giant bruise once he slipped out of the suit. He just knew it.

"Sir?" Jarvis chimed in, after a moment, making Tony wince inside of the Ironman suit. There was a sharp pounding in the area of his right temple.

"What's up Jarvis?"

"I think now would be a wise time for you to open your eyes Sir."

Tony's eyes instantly snapped open and his arms tensed up. He couldn't see a thing, everything was dark. "Uh..Jarvis?"

"It appears a tarp has been placed on top of your suit Sir."

Arms rose up and Stark sighed in pure relief as his hand rose up and touched something that moved easily. Groaning at the effort it took to sit up, Tony pushed the tarp off of himself. He took a long moment to blink against the harsh lighting and briefly wondered how long he had been knocked out. Then he blinked again.

"Jarvis. Where the hell am I?" Tony tried to keep his voice level and calm but was pretty sure Jarvis heard the building panic in his voice. He'd bet his best pair of ray bans that he wasn't anywhere near where he wanted to be.

"I'm not exactly sure Sir."

Talk about unhelpful.

It looked like someone had plopped him into the middle of a theater set. Everything had a faintly musty and old feel to it. English, Tony instantly thought to himself. He was currently laying in the middle of the room not that far from a fireplace. To his left, there was a high backed chair and a table that seemed buried under a pile of paper work and odd metal objects.

He had just barely gotten to his feet and regained his balance when the sound of a door starting to swing open got his attention. Tony unfroze a second later and darted as best he could behind the door, attempting to stay out of sight. Till he knew what the hell was going on here, he was keeping low key. Voices rose from the other side of the door and a moment later a set of males walked into the room.

"I'm telling you Watson. I have found an alien of some kind."  
The sound of an uneven gait was followed by a second voice. "I really doubt that's the case Holmes."

Tony mouthed the two names silently to himself from his hiding spot behind the door. He was starting to have a really bad feeling about this now. If need be, he could have just used the old Stark charm and gotten out of here but if these two were who he thought they were? Well he was just screwed seven ways to Sunday then. Bad feeling or not, there didn't seem to be any real way of stopping the two from entering the room. Tony just knew it was only a matter of time before one of the two turned and spotted him. It's not like he really blended in with the rest of the room, messy as it was. He was the brightest spot of color there.

There was a slightly disapproving sound coming from the taller of the two. " And exactly where is this alien, Holmes?"

The second male glanced around in clear confusion. The baffled look stayed on his face till a moment later when he spotted Tony. Tony could tell the gig was up because Holmes (He was assuming that was who the shorter one was at this point) paled slightly and his brown eyes went huge.

Crap.

Just as quick as that expression came onto Holmes face, it was replaced with a smug look. Holmes nodded at Tony as he spoke to the male at his side. "See. It's just as I said."

Double Crap.

Watson followed Holmes gaze to the door and actually took a step back. The taller man tightened his grip on the walking stick he had in his hand. Great way to meet the locals, Tony thought to himself as he watched Holmes get shoved behind Watson. He thought idly about waving at the two but figured that might just get him shot at.

Inside the suit Tony arched an eyebrow at the display in front of himself. He wasn't sure exactly what it was Watson thought he was going to attempt.

"If my intention was to hurt anyone I would have done it already." His voice sounded slightly put out and insulted even to him. He braced his hands on the waist of the suit waiting for something to happen.

"It talks!" Holmes appeared from behind Watson edging around the Doctor in order to get a better look at Tony. Tony merely clamped his mouth shut and looked upwards, willing patience to rain down on him or something. It had never worked for him before but he was willing to try again.

"Yes I can speak," Tony paused briefly, "And no I'm not an alien." A frown was sent to Holmes, who never saw it through the mask that covered Tony's face. Watson's mouth had been hanging wide open , Tony heard it snap shut now. "Indeed. Then pray tell us good Sir. If you are not an alien what are you?"

"I wouldn't suggest revealing to much at once Sir." Jarvis chose that moment to speak up. "It's better to be safe than sorry."

While Tony wanted to just close his eyes and not be here anymore, he had to admit Jarvis made a good point. If this was what he thought it was, and he was rarely wrong, he had been given a one way ticket back to the future. And I didn't even need a odd ball Doctor or a Deloren to do it.


	2. Chapter 2

In the light of a new day Tony had to admit it, his situation still sucked. He had gone to bed with the vain hope that he'd be zapped back to his time. Back to his fluffy California King sized bed complete with curvy blonde. So, when he woke up to bleak London lighting, he groaned into his temporary pillow. Breakfast wasn't that bad, though he had to admit it sure wasn't Burger king by a long shot. He wasn't sold on the whole hot tea thing at all either.

Tony felt like a ball of nervous energy. He picked at the food, picked at the company, and picked at his clothing. The Ironman suit was standing in a corner of the room that Watson told him it would be fine to use. Since the only things he had on him were a pair of jeans and one of his MIT shirts, it was safe to say someone had to let him borrow a set of clothing. Luckily enough, Holmes was pretty much his size. He ignored the comments that Jarvis made about that while getting dressed in his room. He was not meant for this time, he didn't care what anyone said.

His immediate worry had been what to tell the infamous Dou about why he was here. He had played it off as best he could last night, yawning widely every couple of seconds before Watson just snapped on Holmes and told him to let Tony sleep. Rehashing with Jarvis allowed him to come up with some sort of story to give to the two. He didn't know how far he'd get claiming he was experimenting on something and couldn't remember anything after that. Breakfast was over far faster than Tony honestly wanted it to be even with the weak coffee and slightly overcooked eggs. Both Watson and Holmes stood, gaining Tony's attention and motioning from him to follow them.

For a tense moment he just eyed the door that lead to the outside world. Leaving Jarvis and the suit behind was not a good idea at all though, so he grudgingly made his way to follow behind the two. He had only stepped into the sitting room when the sounds of footsteps sounded at the front door. He paused when Holmes shook his head. "Clarky."

Tony blinked wide eyed at first Holmes then Watson. "How did you.... How did he know that?" He started off looking at Holmes but his attention moved to Watson who didn't seem bothered by the whole thing. In fact, the Doctor merely got comfortable in one of the chairs. "You get used to it after awhile." Tony made a face at Watson before snagging the other chair before Holmes could get it. Just as he was poking at the material covering the arm of the chair, a knock sounded at the door.

"Enter Clarky." Holmes was standing in the middle of the room a pipe sticking out of the corner of his mouth. Tony hadn't even seen the Detective pick it up. He had only been awake for about an hour but he already wanted a drink. Slumping down into his seat, Tony kept his mouth shut as the door swung open allowing a tall thin male to enter. The uniform was unmistakable and reeked of police officer.

"Begging your pardon Sirs." The new arrival nodded to Watson and Tony before giving his attention to Holmes. "We've come across a situation that has us quite baffled down at the yard."

"Hardly surprising." Tony had to choke back a laugh at Watson's muttered words. After shifting in his seat, he turned his attention back to Holmes, a slight smirk curling up the end of his mouth.

"Well out with it, old man. What is it that has the combined wit of Scotland Yard baffled as it were?" Holmes wasn't smoking the pipe just yet but he did seem to be chewing on the end of it.

"We found a body down by the river."

Tony wasn't big about studying other people but the officer in front of him looked extremely uncomfortable at the moment. The slight shifting from foot to foot was a good sign of that, along with the hands that kept twisting the brim of his hat. Tony kept any in a trailer down by the river jokes to himself. SNL jokes were sure to go everyone's heads at this point and he didn't want to draw any attention to himself.

Holmes merely raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"It's face had been torn clean off Sir."

To be able to go outside Tony had to layer. Then layer some more. His arc reactor seemed to shine brighter than what he remembered it too. So not only was Stark wearing an undershirt, a shirt, a vest, and yet another shirt but he had to top it all off with a light jacket covered by a heavier over coat. He felt like a fat kid. Or a really modest chick trying to hide in plain sight. He tugged at the sleeve of the heavier jacket that Holmes had forced into his arms. "If I pass out from heat exhaustion someone is going to wait on me hand and foot as I recover." His grumble fell onto uncaring ears for the most part as he slipped into the carriage after Holmes. Watson had been sent out to hail the carriage while Holmes gathered his kit.

As soon as Tony settled into the seat next to Holmes, Watson was giving him a once over. "..Is that my jacket you have him in Holmes?" Tony instantly looked downward not that it helped much. Like he'd be able to tell if what he was wearing belonged to Watson or Holmes.

"Well nothing I had matched the rest of his outfit." Holmes spoke like this was a perfectly good reason to take something out of Watson's room. Tony arched an eyebrow at the words. "You know you could have just let me stay at the house. There's really no reason I have to be dragged into this." He settled back against the seat arms folding over his chest and slight huffiness to his body language.

"Leaving you alone with Mrs. Hudson is not an option we wanted to explore. Plus I'd rather have all my alcohol intact by the time I returned." Holmes shot a pointed look at Tony who gave his best effort to look innocent. Just because he had spotted the aged bottle of whiskey in Holmes sitting room did not mean he was going to drink the whole thing. Maybe, mostly, who knew really?

"An extra set of eyes never hurt either." Watson's reason for not letting Tony sulk at the house alone made much more sense, though Tony knew it was more of a joint effort to keep Tony from taking off before they were able to question him. Once Holmes spotted the glowing arc reactor sitting in the middle of Tony's chest, he had turned into a giant child that wouldn't stop touching. Tony actually had to smack his hand and retreat to a corner before Watson came to save him.

He'd taken to complaining to Jarvis before leaving but was told to take this as a historical learning experience. Which meant he grumbled all the way out of the house and into the carriage. He was rattled out of his inner thought process as the carriage hit a bump in the road and stopped a moment later. "We're here?" Tony attempted peeking out one of the windows.

" I suspect so." Watson chimed even as Holmes opened his mouth. Whatever it was Holmes was about to say died at the look the Dotor gave him. All three turned to the door when it swung open and an unknown face looked in.

"You going to lolly gag here all day or actually give us some assistance?"

"Charming to see you once again Lestrade."

Only one word was spoken before Lestrade disappeared out of sight, "Indeed."

It only took a moment before they were circled around the crime scene. As much as Tony thought himself on the right side of the law and more than helpful when it came to assisting the cops he wasn't at all prepared for the sight before him. A body was laid out carefully, arms pulled out straight as if pointing to something on either side of it's body. The legs were placed much the same way. It reminded Tony of a human sacrifice. Like there should be a pentagram drawn under the body. That wasn't what made him sick to his stomach though. The face was gone, there was a bleeding dirty mess where facial features should have been.

"I think I'm going to be sick."


End file.
